Hello 2010

For me, 2009 was one of those years that I couldn't wait for. I had singled out this year as a year that would determine so much -- the year I would live in another country, the year I would graduate college, the year we would see a new president in office. I knew it would be a year of transition. But the truth is, you underestimate what that actually means. When you are truly at the end of a journey, you rarely take the time to think about what you went through to get there or how you felt throughout the whole thing. Well, I'm not at the end yet... so it's a good time to take a minute and look at what this year meant to me.

I spent the first half of the year traveling. I won't lie -- studying abroad included studying, but much less studying than I was used to, even though I had specifically chosen to study at a renowned French institution. So I thought of the whole experience like a prolonged vacation. I stopped in New York City on the way to Paris, spent quality time with my boyfriend and friends living in the city, and then said hello to a new country that would be my home for the next 5 months. When you are taken out of your comfort zone -- no matter how willingly you go -- you are forced to learn to deal with a lot on your own. I had to learn to navigate the new school system, make new friends, and become accustomed to French culture and really cold weather... which all came to an abrupt end when I received news that my grandmother had passed away. I flew home for a weekend, which completely threw me off. I also learned my dad might be sick, and was being tested for cancer. I felt that I had taken 3 steps backwards. When I returned to Paris, I was sad, felt guilty for having only gone home for 3 days, and couldn't focus on being in a new city. I missed home.

But a month later, I felt much better and was happy to be in Europe. I looked back on my sadness and couldn't figure out the sudden change that came about that made me feel okay. I think it was a combination of things: the weather improved in Paris, I had a new group of international friends, and the passing of time eased everything. From there came spring break week in Turkey, weekend trips outside of Paris, visits from friends and family, and nights/picnics out on the town. Whenever I get nostalgic for Paris, I miss those warm spring nights when we drank wine, snacked on baguettes & cheese on the banks of the Seine the most.

Then came a slew of schoolwork. Suddenly, I lamented my broken French, and I questioned why I had decided to leave so much schoolwork until the end. I had a stressful few weeks where I hoped the teachers would pity me enough to grant me at least a 10 (out of 20) for my final grades (a 10 is the lowest grade you can get that would still be considered passing). Turns out they did pity my sucky French, and didn't care that I said a grammatical error every three words! Great! But when it was all over, I didn't feel ready to leave. How do you say good-bye to friends who live all around the world, ones you don't know if you'll ever see again?

Then came a month traveling on my own to a slew of random places: Rome, Tunisia (my first time to Africa!), Sweden (where I swing-danced the nights away at the Herrang Dance Camp), Norway, Berlin, and Prague. At the end, I congratulated myself on traveling for 4 weeks alone without any major hiccups. I returned to Paris to pick up my things and pack for home, and I finally felt ready to leave.

I was thrilled to return to California. The first month I was back, I relished the weather, the lax attitude of Northern Californians (people who didn't look twice when I wore flip-flops and gym shorts everywhere), and the comfort of being with my friends and family. I couldn't wait to find a job and move to San Francisco to be with all my friends. Then the reality from the recession set in. As an unemployed recent college grad with no real work experience, I quickly learned how hard it would be to find a job. I felt like I was grasping blindly in the dark, trying to find anything at all. When a few opportunities didn't pan out, I felt discouraged. It was the first time things weren't working out like I had planned. I switched directions, and made the decision to go to Vietnam with my mom, dad, aunts, and uncles to attend a huge family reunion and to spread my grandparents' ashes in the sea. I met more relatives than I will ever meet in my life, and was there to see my grandparents finally put to rest.

I came back from Vietnam with a renewed outlook on my current situation -- that in time, things will come together. In time, this period of uncertainty will pass, and I will look on it with reflection to grow from the experience. I don't see my involuntary unemployment as a blessing, but maybe by the end of 2010, I will see it differently. I'm not going to hide that I have big hopes for 2010, but these hopes come from my realization that even though 2009 wasn't the easiest year for me, I was able to learn a lot about myself and about others around me. After a year like that, how can you not expect a lot from yourself?

So with this, I bid a big farewell to 2009, and say a hopeful hello to 2010!